state of mind

Cie’s entry on September 9, “Die..Jerk!” truly excites me! Its not that I have something to do with the said guy HYFK.. No! It’s just that I was so amazed by the way she expressed her emotions and her feelings bravely..freely.. it greatly encourages me to speak my mind out and say whatever I want to say at this very present time..

Personally, I do agree with her that the never ending chain-questions about MARRIAGE is TERRIBLY ANNOYING!!! “bah, bila lagi?” “apa lagi yg mo di tunggu, jangan lah kasi lambat2 bah..” duhh!! Getting SICK of those questions!! And believe it or not, that annoying questions had gotten me to the point where I hate to attend the family gathering or any event or occasion that gathers all my koinggoritt aunties. I rather missed the excitement of the party dan pura2 sibuk than being showered with their pot..pet..pot..pet!! 1000x10..

I know, some people might think that being single or unmarried at my age is considered ANDARTU. That title is supposed to be embarrassing!! Strangely.. sia tdk malu pun kahkahkah!! I just feel uncomfortable being surrounded by the people who have the same thought with my aunts. One of them used to say this to me ”ko ingat ko masih kuat ka beranak kalo umur ko 38 thn sdh??” **LONG GROAN** what on earth is that supposed to mean!!???? I think shes really needs to listen my unbeatable words to answer that statement....tapi takut dia tersinggung pulak nanti.. tahan hati ja la.. but I will speak it out.>>.Loudly<< when the time is right..! or I just ask her to pay all the cost of my wedding laa..

My dad has told me that I must have at least 3 years experiences of earning my own money, managing my own money, paying bills..etc.. and basically, understanding what money is. And now I understand..and telling myself that i wont get married until I have my finances in order because it’s really unrealistic idea for me to ask my parents to 100% support the expenses of my own wedding..

..errmm..in romantic side, to me, marriage is not just finding our soulmate..its beyond that!! My view about love and marriage have changed somewhat now that I’m older.. when I was younger, I used to think that marriage is all about finding our perfect partner..and i will marry to the guy who makes me fall in love.. he will be perfect for me, I’ll be perfect for him, then we will get married and live happily ever after.. but as time goes by and having seen more of the world, I realize now that life is not as beautiful as in a fairy tale.. we experienced the imperfectness even the unhappiness through our relationship.. The perfect handsome prince and the majestic castles will remains as a dreams forever..

I realize now that our partner can be very different from what we have envisioned. He doesn’t have to be perfect to be our partner, we don’t have to have everything in common. We don’t have to love the same things or to do everything together for the relationship to work.. to me, the most important things is his qualities to experiences the life’s ups and downs together with you, whose loves the worst side of you as well as the betters’..for me, couples are really needs to experience the good and bad things together before they stepping forward.. this naturally means that people have to be of a certain age to know and understand these things. I don’t mean to disagree or to object a couple to get married while they were on cloud nine, the things is not to deny that those mixture of good and bad things can happen to anyone, to every marriage.. Life is just like that..:)

..so..am I ready for marriage?? Not 100%! But then again, who is??..

-That’s all folks-

XOxoxo..:)