Faith is not for the good times, it's for the hard times.

a note to myself

When you don't need to impress anyone, 

you are free to enjoy everything you do.

so how canggih is the Samsung Galaxy ACE

This is to announce that this entry is written and published by using the smartphone, Samsung Galaxy ACE while i'm laying in our bed waiting for my daughter to fall asleep..:)
        
       hmm... this phone is canggih but still doesnt fit my demand..haha konon! i still prefer my big flat screen pc la to surf the net especially composing a blog entry..
btw, i am so in love with this my new hp!!! my ultimate accomplishment this year..a gift from me to myself ;)

i am one happy momma..

Location: servay hypermarket, penampang 

Time: lunch time

Me: 

walking around at the Diapers area.. pusing2 comparing and analysing the prices as always ‘cos I am a wise-picky momma haha.. ceh! But really.. the prices are keep on changing..  I’ve been doing the diapers shopping for almost 3 years in a row now and doing this at least 2-3times at every month! So I know exactly the price that I want yg sa rasa saya tdk tertipu oleh marketing strategy..and I know EXACTLY when the hypermarket are really doing their PROMOTION! Haha.. this is a good thing being a diaperholic! Today I was really got a langkah kanan going to servay.. Huggies are doing their promotion for the huggies pants! The price was about RM5 cheaper than usual.. nasib baik sa Nampak!! i was feel like want to grab 3 packs but since the payday is still too far and far away.. so I just take 1 and walk to the nearest cashier with a big guilty feelings…. And I asked the girl at the counter.. sampai bila promotion huggies tu aa..? then the girl replied (SO LISTEN CAREFULLY THIS IS THE MAIN REASON WHY I WROTE THIS POST;) ..listen what the girl says to me..)” ko ada baby sdh ka??  and I was so feel like muka sa minta puji..sambil menjawab.. eh, 2 org sdh ba anak sia ni..ekekekke…  the girl seems to wanted to say something again.. I can see at her face that she was surprised knowing that i have kids .. but my phone ringing!! Grrrr… my hubs calling issk..mengganggu sa punya moment of fame btl!!   

so yaa..it really feels good when someone compliments you.. ya I took what the cashier girl said as a sincere compliments and it really make me happy for a moment, those words really brighten up my day..   Receiving such compliment from a stranger is feeling like they’re lifting up your spirit and increases your level of confident for the day.  I am not trying to being lupa diri, I am VERY PROUD being a mother but when people mistaken or thought that you’re not.. it probably because of you look younger than your actual age or it might because of the way we dressed up or because of our ‘physical’ appearance..  

so let me compare the feelings..;

the staff/ teachers at taska where I sent my son called me ‘aunty’ .. and that makes me feel so old.. sa imagine muka mama sa ja bila dorg panggil sa anty hahaha...! even I know that was only just a ‘panggilan’ that they use to call the parents.. but! It still uncool hehe

so as for me, compliments are always appreciated as long as they are sincere..

four of us and my niece

this is not a complaint.. i'm just telling the reasons why i said i have a very exhausting routine..

My son is going to be a 3 yrs old boy in a few months ahead.. and now I’m worried! So worry..  at this age he still doesn’t show any sign that he is ready to say goodbye for his diapers! I’ve read and google a lot about the potty training issues and talked with many experienced moms about these.. and most of them telling me that my son is still not too late and considered still in earlier range of age for potty training. But what concerned me the most is he is growing and getting bigger.. my boy is a bit bigger than his age.. HE IS HAPPILY WEARING XL SIZE DIAPER since before he reach 2yrs old (kalo sa nda silap.. but now the XL seem not so comfortable to him anymore.. so there were 2 major issues that we are dealing now!  1. The bigger size for diaper (Drypantz)in the market is only XXL which is very limited stock dan selalu teda!.. problem no 2. since he is growing actively I mean sangat la hyperactive that make him sweating easily.. and wearing a diaper is totally not a good idea for a eczema sufferer like him.. if u never dealing (or see) people who suffer with eczema then, you might don’t know what I’m talking about.. but if u do.. then I’m happy because I’m really sure that u can understand me jiwa dan raga.. !!

 my son born with eczema (its in his blood!!! Inherited frm his daddy.. grrr) he was officially diagnosed and confirmed by the dermatologist that he has an eczema since he was 3 months old baby.. I can’t recall all the suffering that we’ve (us & our baby) been through but he is different from other normal baby.. I mean the Penjagaan..  managing  him alone is just like looking after  for a 4 babies.. all the efforts, energies, patience etc are doubles! We have to be very careful with everything.. EVERYTHING! From his milk to what to wear him, his clothes, blanket, booties, mittens, the toiletries.. he cannot wear any clothes but only made from cotton! 100% cotton.. shoes also? Yes.. only cotton shoes..and we the mom n daddy also have to wear cotton or you cannot cuddle him in your arms.. his toiletries? Only prescribes by the doctors.. foods?? Mygoodness… we only feed him rice and chicken soup + labu until he reach about 2 yrs old.. he cannot eat any seafood or any seafood based foods, egg, and any flavoured foods.. just imagine, he cant even eat the baby nestle cereal products like the nestum’s series bcos its contained artificial flavour.. he is super allergy to those foods! We have to kept him away from those kind of foods.. I’m serious! His eczema will flare-ups even he did not eat/ swallow the foods.. for example he touched the spoon that we use to senduk the soup ikan or inhale the smells that contained something yg he allergy which is susah btl mo identify.. I also have to stay away from my perfume.. pewangi2 kereta pun I don’t buy.. 

ok what will happen when the eczema flared ups?? It become itchy and he will start scratching his affected (eczema sufferer’s ) skin and  scratch..scratch and SCRATCH sampai bedarah2.. and for you to know.. i see my son first drops of blood at his 4 months old of age! 4 months old baby! Imagine la..kalo bby kena gigit nyamuk ja pun kita akan sakit hati sdh nmpk..imagine u see blood..:( that’s how I felt… mcm nangis keluar air mata darah ja juga nmpk..

I was a bit scared and panic that time but i started to get used with it since then…  and it became a kind of our routine now dealing with the blood! I’ve experienced what my mom never did so I can’t go to her for advice.. my mom was  the most surprised ibu seeing my baby condition back then..she was shocked and blank and speechless and totally have no idea what is eczema all about..  so all I can do is google and searching for info to educate myself on how to manage and handle a baby with an eczema.. of course there are a lot of doctors in town but yaa..nothing is free! I myself couldn’t afford my hungriness to know “WHAT IS ECZEMA” the what?, the how?, when?, where? How if?, what if?? And so on..and on.. so the only thing I can do is GOOGLE and apparently it really does help me a lot in many ways… i joined a  forum, chat room, blog, website and everything  on the net! this is one of the blog that I followed.. “Diary of an Eczema sufferer” its kind of a huge relief when u found someone else on earth that having a same situation with you.. I’m not suffered from eczema but I carry the burden…

Dear  Mr/ Ms/ Mrs  I want good skin, whoever you are.. i really thank to u for sharing your story http://skinurghs.blogspot.com/ God bless you..amen

What say you..? :(

                        Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul..  these words is really killing me.. berat mata ku memandang..  but I didn’t know berapa berat  is the suffering my son has been through all this time… But I really thank God! Now he seem to be outgrow with the eczema he is not as sensitive as before..and his skin condition is getting better..thank u God again..halleluyaa... 

 ** to be continued..(blm trcapai lgi misi ceta the exhausting routine..my thinking was suddenly distracted and redirected to kesah eczema my eldest son.. )

Bad day ever..!

I woke up in the morning and still feel bad about what I did to my son last night.. I hit him!.. that was not the first time I hit him but last night I did it real bad! I hit him twice..!  I slapped his leg and pinched his lips after he stamped on Lalla’s head who I was carrying when I struggling to stop him from climbing, jumping and crawling on the sofa.. he jumped and run all over the house and spitted his milk all over the floor and over my face!! That was made me really out of control!! I was so angry from the bottom of my heart! J and that’s the moment I raise my hand and bang…and  bang..!! I hit a 2years, 6months old kid! He cried and went to bed with the daddy..

He woke up in the morning and still doesn’t want to be with me.. he doesn’t want me to touch him..  he doesn’t  want to take a shower with me like we used to do together every morning! He cried for his daddy to wear him his shirt.. owh Godd!! I feel want to cry… I’m so sad!! The way he look at me.. the way he stare at me..i feel like I’m just a monster! An evil mom!! 

Now I realize.. my bad day is not having a Gondrong hair day or having less than rm10 in my purse.. but my real bad day is NOT HAVING a flying good bye kiss from my son in the morning and not listing the voice of “PYE-PYE MOMMY” in front of the door while his leaving the house in the morning!!  I feel every things is not right today… I cant wait to pick him up at taska and say a big sorry to him.. I prayed to God so he will no longer remember and felt the hatred and bitter feelings in his hearts by the end of this day.. amen..

Dearest son;  Aaron Carl,

                I’m so sorry .. you might not remember and understand what  had happened and what I did to you but I just would like you to know and understand that i never meant to hurt you or to do anything that make u pain,  cry and sad without any reasons..i’m not a perfect mother in the world but I’m trying to be a perfect mother to you and trying to give u my best.. Maybe some other time mommy transformed and be like a monster to you but I hope you don’t just see my face through your eyes..but open your heart so that you could see and listen to what deep in inside my hearts is saying to you my son..I LOVE YOU..

                                                                                                                                                Love,

                                                                                                                                                Mommy..

Sometime I just can’t stand and have no idea how to handle with my son’s behaviour now.. he can be so hyper active, too demanding, uncontrollable and extremely stubborn all in the same time..God help me! I hope this is not a curse…LOL  

Dearest Hair,

please grow faster and be stronger than ever before..! please...

(my 1st and the most wish at this beginning of 2012)



amen..