I woke up in the morning and still feel bad about what I did to my son last night.. I hit him!.. that was not the first time I hit him but last night I did it real bad! I hit him twice..! I slapped his leg and pinched his lips after he stamped on Lalla’s head who I was carrying when I struggling to stop him from climbing, jumping and crawling on the sofa.. he jumped and run all over the house and spitted his milk all over the floor and over my face!! That was made me really out of control!! I was so angry from the bottom of my heart! J and that’s the moment I raise my hand and bang…and bang..!! I hit a 2years, 6months old kid! He cried and went to bed with the daddy..
He woke up in the morning and still doesn’t want to be with me.. he doesn’t want me to touch him.. he doesn’t want to take a shower with me like we used to do together every morning! He cried for his daddy to wear him his shirt.. owh Godd!! I feel want to cry… I’m so sad!! The way he look at me.. the way he stare at me..i feel like I’m just a monster! An evil mom!!
Now I realize.. my bad day is not having a Gondrong hair day or having less than rm10 in my purse.. but my real bad day is NOT HAVING a flying good bye kiss from my son in the morning and not listing the voice of “PYE-PYE MOMMY” in front of the door while his leaving the house in the morning!! I feel every things is not right today… I cant wait to pick him up at taska and say a big sorry to him.. I prayed to God so he will no longer remember and felt the hatred and bitter feelings in his hearts by the end of this day.. amen..
Dearest son; Aaron Carl,
I’m so sorry .. you might not remember and understand what had happened and what I did to you but I just would like you to know and understand that i never meant to hurt you or to do anything that make u pain, cry and sad without any reasons..i’m not a perfect mother in the world but I’m trying to be a perfect mother to you and trying to give u my best.. Maybe some other time mommy transformed and be like a monster to you but I hope you don’t just see my face through your eyes..but open your heart so that you could see and listen to what deep in inside my hearts is saying to you my son..I LOVE YOU..
Love,
Mommy..
Sometime I just can’t stand and have no idea how to handle with my son’s behaviour now.. he can be so hyper active, too demanding, uncontrollable and extremely stubborn all in the same time..God help me! I hope this is not a curse…LOL 
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